can i do anything right?? it seems like i cant. everything i say or do is always taken the wrong way..

thats why i have few people in my life that i deal with (family included).

if people knew the truly fucked up thoughts that fly through my head on an hourly basis, theyd understand.

id honestly kill myself if i didnt have kids. they are my only anchor. and i feel like they hate me. hell he hates me.... i hate me..

i hate bi-polar disorder..

i hate almost every decision i have ever made...

i honestly hate myself...

im sad.
knocked up...
feeling pretty down...
it never fucking ends does it?

the following is a list of nursing compact states... I really want to move forward as a nurse.

Arizona 7/1/2002
Arkansas 7/1/2000
Colorado 10/1/2007
Delaware 7/1/2000
Idaho 7/1/2001
Iowa 7/1/2000
Kentucky 6/1/2007
Maine 7/1/2001
Maryland 1/1/2000
Mississippi 7/1/2001
Missouri 6/1/2010
Nebraska 1/1/2001
New Hampshire 1/1/2006
New Mexico 1/1/2004
North Carolina 7/1/2000
North Dakota 1/1/2004
Rhode Island 7/1/2008
South Carolina 2/1/2006
South Dakota 1/1/2001
Tennessee 7/1/2003
Texas 1/1/2000
Utah 1/1/2000
Virginia 1/1/2005
Wisconsin 1/1/2000



.

so many things have happened lately. so many changes. ive moved. looking for a new job still, pickd up a new romance.
so my romance... corey and i have been into each other for the last two years. he makes me smile and helps me deal with my issues. now we are planning a future together, a serious future. he is the person i shouldve been with all along. he is a graphic artist, has his own business, he is very smart, open and caring. so im going into this with no fear or doubts. im trying to be openminded. i dont want to taint this relationship with everything ive done in the past. im changing so i dont screw up something that has the potential to be great & utterly life changing.

my hormones r outta whack this week. thats y i beat myself up so much. pay me no attention until next wednesday when im back to normal